Eunoia

Midterms:

Stats down, Epi, Anatomy, Inquiry, Physics and Vocal to go.

Inquiry meetings:

Two down, 3 more to go.

Physics tests:

7 down, 14 more to go

Family gatherings:

Thanksgiving was wonderful, and I can't wait for the next.

Boys:

He's wonderful, and I can't even begin to immagine what's next with him.

Gramma visits:

Not enough. And its never enough. Seeing her every fucking day wouldn't be enough for me.

--------------

I ran into my stats prof today, an hour or so after I had written his midterm, which was surprisingly not-tricky. Finished early. Checked it over twice, still left early. With this type of stuff, you're either completely right or completely ass-backwards. Anyway, we got talking about the midterm, and then to examples used in the text, and, being the clever, witty fellow that he is, he told me the next edition of his text book is coming out, and to explain standard deviation, normal curves and alpha error, he's no longer using average sodium serum levels or MCAT distributions, he's now using average penile lengths in north america. Apparently this information is readily available on student health websites and condom sites. According to his research, the average penile length is just shy of six inches. whatEVER. I like SMALL penises. Screw you, Ron Jeremy.

So today I walked into a test where I was euphemistically going to hand my prof a jar of vaseline and meekly whimper "be gentle". What test was that? Organic chemistry midterm, ladies and gentlemen. First off, why the SWEETFROZENOVERHELL did I decide to sacrifice my summer and take organic chemistry? Well if you know how attached I was to Pippin this year, you'd understand. If not, just assume I'm crazy. Actually, if you know about Pippin, you've probably ALREADY assumed I'm crazy.

Now I'm just rambling.

SO YES. 6pm hit and I began to write what I had feared, loathed, and anxiously anticipated for the last [fleeting]two weeks, and was more than just surprised. Not ONLY did he not test us on 80% of the mechanisms we were to learn for this test, but he threw some RANDOM-ASS shit at us. Not random like 5$ hooker random. This is random like SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION RANDOM.....

....CRAP!

I got a 91% on my 1st test.
I got a 98% on my labs.
I got a 98.7 on my assignment.
And the LAST thing I need is to blow the midterm. *excessive whining*

I guess it will either all come together for the exam (WHICH IS WORTH 45%) or else I'll be up shit creek with no paddle.

In the meantime, here's some random pictures that I enjoy. :)

Something that Jakub sent me. I love this picture. :)

This is my friend Blake who I work with at Bodyworks

This is him after he bought some CK underwear and had himself professionally photographed. re: www.adamsilvaphotography.com

Words to live by :D

Here's an amazing guy, with pretty eyes and incredible multemedia talent..(among others)

Here's me in fishnets in McMaster Musical Theatre's "Pippin"

Coolest person EVER.

Me in a pseudo-AmericanBeauty-shoot. :P

...I wish I had a better camera. Untill next time, good luck with you and yours.
*cringes at the thought of doing more organic chemistry* :(

Today someone asked me if he could "photograph me"....

So before you go thinking creepy pedophelia thoughts, just know that I talked with him for a while, that he has photographed lots of other men and women before, that he is a professional photographer, and that if I was to partake in the said photographing, I would be FULLY CLOTHED.

I'm not sure how I feel about it yet, but at the very least, it'd be fun.

...anyway, it got me thinking about some pictures Jakub sent me a long time ago, asking if they were "art or smut"? I can't remember what I said (probably smut...oh...I miss my youth), but I think they're incredibly beautiful. (as soon as I get them back from Jakub I'll post them. I can't find them ANYWHERE online....fuckers....)

In the meantime, I took some horribly unjustified pictures with my $50 webcam. Bear with me.

...SOMEWHERE in me, there's an artist...
Today I finished learning Heart of Gold on the Guitar. I couldn't stop smiling.

The sky has gone from an opaque charcoal to translucent blue...It's 6:05 am, wed...uh, wednesday morning...

..and it took me about 2 minutes to finish that sentence because I couldn't remember what day it was, or what in the hell I was doing up at 6am in the morning.
Oh, right. I remember now. I DIDNT GO TO SLEEP.

Hey, I've pulled all-nighters before, but this one really blows. I was up till 5am monday night with a, visitor of sorts, (which I'll admit is no one's fault but my own) and before then working on a biology case study, which I defended for 3 hours (sort of like a thesis defense)on Tuesday. After which I went straight home at about 5pm, napped 'till 7, then from 7pm tuesday 'till, well, it's 6:07 now, wednesday, I've been studying for this bloody music history 2YY3 exam and i want to SCRATCH OUT MY EYES.

I'll save you the bitching about how I have to know 12 chapters worth of material which most composers today consider useless (except gregorian chant, madrigals, and equal temperment), and about how I have to define over 65 musical terms, and about how I have to be able to recognize by ear the song title, composer, date of composition, genre, and defining characteristcs of over 120 songs. ...but wait, I didn't save you any bitching at all.

My body's caffeine levels have skyrocketed, and I'm losing receptor proteins by the millisecond. Finishing up the last chapter (12) to study, and pounding in the last couple of songs.
*****************************************
Things I've done to keep myself awake:

Drank over 2 litres of ice water
Taken a hot shower
masturbated
RED BULL
Talked on msn with Jakub, Heather (who is also studying for this bastard of an exam), Soheil (the only healthsci crazy enough to be online at this hour...), Matt moore (who is equally as crazy, and also an insomniac)...and I think I've also started talking to myself...but that is an entirely different problem altogether.
Left the windows open when it's -5 degrees outside. My nipples could cut through GLASS.
eaten copious amounts of food including nutella. ON A SPOON.
written in my LJ.

SOMEONE WIND THE CLOCK FORWARD 6 HOURS TO NOON SO THAT MY EXAM IS OVER AND I MAY CLOSE MY EYES AND NEVER HAVE TO LISTEN TO DuFay's masses or Arcadelt's madrigals or Josquin's motets or Walther's chorales or Du Fay's chansons ANYMORE!!......

I HATE YOU, LITTLE EXAM

...Chemistry Exam hate-mail sure to follow...

A quickie post from a disgruntled, now smelly and wet, essay writer. (1200 words and counting...)

So on what appears to be a day devoid of any sunlight,(I LOVE the rain..), it seems I always manage to keep things Yellow chez-Katrina....

And by that, ladies and gentlemen, I mean: I GOT PISSED ON AGAIN.
Please refer to post on March 24th, 12:43 pm.

I am sitting at my computer when I feel the need to take a lovely.....okay lets skip this part....I am flushing the toilet, and low and behold it makes a terrifying "brrrrumb" sound which could only be the announcement of an asphyxiated toiletbowl...... So after copious amounts of groaning and cursing I hauled out the ghettoass"madeinbrampton"toilet-plunger... But what I didn't realize, is that the toilet bowl was really just too small...when I started plunging (quite fervently, I'll have you know), the um, "sewage", so to speak, spilled over the edge of the bowl (over the bowl, beneath the seat, so that I didn't notice 'till it had soaked my lovely white socks..) and all over me and the untill-that-moment, sparkling bathroom floor. Fucking sneaky sewage.

.....someone PLEASE bring me some socks????

.......and a Very good time

http://www.remodeling.hw.net/industry-news.asp?sectionID=154&articleID=270727

Go see it,
bitches.

...From the author

"A picture can be set against text ironically, or it can be used to support the text, or it can be completely disjointed from the text - which forces the reader into looking at the scene in a new way. You can do this to some extent in film, in terms of striking interesting juxtapositions between the imagery and what the intent of the characters may be, but you cannot do it anywhere near as precisely as you can in comics. Here the reader has the ability to stop and linger over one particular 'frame' and work out all of the meaning in that frame or panel, as opposed to having it flash by you ar twenty-four frames per second in a cinema.

What I enjoyed about comics as a youngster wasn't just that adolescent male power fantasy element. That's true to a degree, but they're not just boys' power fantasies. ... The biggest element for me was the world of imagination that comics opened up! It was not the fact that Superman could push planets around that impressed me, but that he had a Fortress of Solitude, and possessed a bottled city, and he could travel back and forth in time and get involved in all sorts of strange time paradoxes, and that the planet he came from had a gold volcano and a jeweled mountain.... It was the same with the early Marvel Comics: it was the wonderful concepts, not the superhero's muscles, which gave me the biggest charge."

-Alan Moore

Good god its beautiful outside. I came home to Brampton this weekend to see HAIR with my amazingincrediblesuperhilariouswonderfulfriendIAN (post and pictures to follow), and also to see an improv show that fell through....(Next time, baby) but I couldnt help but want to strip down and DIVE into my still-icy swimming pool and bask in the beautiful glory that is Spring. The last song at HAIR was "Let the Sunshine in" and believe you me, its fucking shining in. After a long tease of a winter (dont think we had continuous snow for more than a week) and minor S.A.D. symptoms, I finally get to wear skirts, I finally get to pull my football out of the old closet, I finally get to wear my sunscreen and aviators, I finally get to have pool parties and I finally get to look in the mirror and see freckles again. The world has lit up. In spirits. And literally. And god, its beautiful outside.

...you know what the best part about thunderstorms is? When its warm, its incredibly sexy. 14 degrees!!
Find me Friday outside in white clothes and I might just kiss you...

So I was taking a much anticipated pee after pounding back an extra-large diuretic from Tim Hortons........
...needless to say, I filled the toilet bowl. ...now, maybe its because Mac janitors are uber paranoid of unplugging toilets (we never seem to have out of order toilets in the student centre), or maybe its because we didnt know what to do with all the money that Micheal DeGroote gave us, but we have these RIDICULOUS monster-flushing toilets that suck down sewage like jenna jameson sucks down c..er...anyways, they're animals, these toilets....and today, I GOT SHOWERED. Showered in my own piss, ladies and gentlemen.

Fucking toilets.
Anywho, have a nice day.
Athankya.

Well Mr. Canaria I FIANLLY got around to doing this....
10 Favorites.
---> Favorite Color: Racing Green
---> Favorite Food: toejam
---> Favorite Band: if I ever figure that out, I....nah, Ill never figure it out.
---> Favorite Movie: Se7en
---> Favorite Sport: Dance. Fuck you, its a sport.
---> Favorite Season: Autum
---> Favorite Day Of the Week: Monday
---> Favorite Ice Cream: Ben and Jerry's half baked
---> Favorite Car: '69 Stingray
---> Favorite Number: pi
9 Currents...
---> Current Mood: Hungry. Actually, is that a mood?
---> Current Taste: They say I taste GREAT. er....
---> Current Computer: Toshiba notebook
---> Current Finger/toe nail color: erm, normal? nailpolish turns them yellow ewwww
---> Current Time: 5:25 pm
---> Current Surroundings: My lovely boudoir
---> Current Annoyance: Fickle feelings
---> Current Crush: ask me
---> Current song: Born to be Wild - Steppenwolf
8 Firsts.
---> First Best Friend: Ashley Harkness...who now has a spinal fluid problem from an overdose of coke..... nice....
---> First pet: A goldfish and guinea pig, both of which died before I was old enough to know what was going on.
---> First Piercing: do labias count?? KIDDING. Ears. and if I pierce anything out, i will no longer be on my father's will. For serious.
---> First Crush: Jordan Cressbow. Also first boyfriend and first kiss. Kindergarden. Shut up.
---> First Music: What, like, first song my ears ever heard? Ask them, cause I sure as hell dont remember.
---> First Car: My Dad's prelude. Stick shift. What.
---> First Sport Played: Soccer. STILL have the trophies.
---> First Concert: Live. Secret Samadhi.

7 Lasts...
---> Last music: Thelonius Monk. -thanks Mabrucco
---> Last Drink: Some creamy shit rowan was drinking at Kelseys...Give me my gin back please.
---> Last Car Ride: in Coach's red rocket after Trainspotting auditions last night. Yaaaiiiiiii
---> Last word: Yaaiiiiiiiiiii
---> Last Phone call: Jacqui. Sister. london. teeeeeeerrrible phone bill. :(
---> Last CD Played: Jethro Tull - thick as a brick
---> Last movie watched: Trainspotting. (beeeeeeena studyin') Anything to keep me from writing my essay.
6 Have You...
---> Have You Ever Dated one of your best friends: Absolutely
---> Have You Ever Broken the Law: Absolutely
---> Have You Ever Been Arrested: No. But I just finished hearing an entertaining story about how MAX was arrested for pretending to rob a bank for a film class.........*bows down and grovels*
---> Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: Absolutely
---> Have You Ever Been on TV: Absolutely
---> Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: Absolutely
5 Things you did today...
---> 1) Went to the gym
---> 2) Slept through class til 1:30pm
---> 3) Watched max roll four beautiful joints
---> 4) STARTED my 3000word paper. UGH.
---> 5) Made an exquisite dinner.
---> 6) Watched porn. ...wait thats 6 things..
4 Places You've Been Last...
---> 1) to the moon and back
---> 2) no seriously
---> 3) the toilet
---> 4) and bed (the two best places ON EARTH)
3 People You Can Tell (Almost) Anything...
---> 1) Jacqui
---> 2) Jakub
---> 3) heh...what a depressing question.
2 Choices..
---> 1. Silver or gold?: gold
---> 2. Vanilla or chocolate?: pistachio
1 Person you want to be with right now!
---> 1. my bear. with one eye. and no nose. beeeeeeee!!!!!!

HOKAY, so.

For a particularly *crazy* MMT (mcmaster musical theatre, a.k.a. Pippin) girl's birthday, the troupe hauled their cute asses out to the Snooty Fox for une celebration avec le karaoke. Much fun, says I. Couldn't help but post the evidence:

The birthday girl, hollering "Shake your ass like a white girl" or "we want prenup!!!", I can't remember which.

Jen, Erica, Alexa et moi going for a particularly scrumptious piece of nipple pie.

Jen et moi, PRE-inhebriation.

Nerlind, me, chelsea, strad, erica et Jen chillin like villain

Cento's SEXY fosse pose!!

A drunken chelsea and Kat. OH BABY.

The INfamous "Mr. Cellophane" by our truly eccentric, quirky-brilliant director, Steffen Marcus. Worth every side-splitting second.

I am no-longer two-girls short of a threesome :D

MORE drunk chelsea and moi. This is getting gross...

An intimate moment.... *vomits inside throat*

Sober:

Not-so-Sober:

Unfortunate:

A beautiful ballad...

Creepy? No, WE BE PLAYAS

"Is his penis really that small???"

...all in all, a lovely night. I MISS YOU MMT!

Well, she's fashionably lean
And she's fashionably late
She'll never rank a scene
She'll never break a date
But she's no drag
Just watch the way she walks
She's a twentieth century fox
She's a twentieth century fox
No tears, no fears
No ruined years
No clocks
She's a twentieth century fox
She's the queen of cool
And she's the lady who waits
Since her mind left school
It never hesitates
She won't waste time
On elementary talk
'Cause she's a twentieth century fox
She's a twentieth century fox
Got the world locked up
Inside a plastic box
She's a twentieth century fox, oh yeah
Twentieth century fox, oh yeah
Twentieth century fox
She's a twentieth century fox

...So come get me

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 9: So I decided to walk my ass to school this morning. (I miss you too, little bike)
Minus-fucking-fifty outside I realize, as I step out the door, more determined than ever.
Zipper up to my chin, hood strung tightly around my now eskimo-like face. Not my cutest moment.
I'm 75% of the way there and I realize I am standing in what I'd call a pseudo-blizzard. Snow whirling so thick you can barely see ten metres ahead of you, but melts as soon as it touches the ground. Your eyelashes. God I miss WINTER. I miss frost-bitten noses, hot soup and cold snowangels. I miss Jackfrost designs on your bedroom window, and fruitlessly trying to blow O's with my breathe outside. I miss the adrenaline of a steep ski-hill. The relaxation in a fireplace. Snowballs freezing the underneaths of my fingernails, and my toes numbing in my boots. I miss being held..
***********************
Last night in my Inquiry class we had a guest come in and talk about Communication. Fuck you Carl, I know how to communicate, thank you very much. ....is what I was thinking..... 'till he shut everyone up when he said "9 BILLION dollars are wasted every year on a LACK of communication between physician and patient". Or when he said "the average doctor will cut a patient off after 23 SECONDS of discussion" or "80% of a doctor's diangnosis is based on a patient's verbal communication, not labs, not tests, not anything but the words out of their mouth", or when he said "the average physician will see on average about 200,000 patients in their lifetime".

..you know what that means? That means if you see 200,000 patients, and you cut them off after 23 seconds and you base 80% of your diagnosis on what you hear from them, you get 3,680,000 seconds to figure out what's going on. 3,680,000 seconds, or 61333.333 minutes or 1022.22 hours or 42.6 days. You better fucking listen.
***********************
CRUNCH TIME ITS CRUNCH TIME pippin is getting closer Closer CLOSER. This sunday in rehearsal if we don't know our lines our director Steffen (also my ballroom dancing partner, -soo good!) is not letting us in the room. SHIT. Quite honestly, this is a struggle. A gift. A curse. An opportunity.
***********************
I did the most dangerous thing ever tonight. This perpetual snowfall is making bike-riding incredibly risky. NOT ONLY is it slippery, and fucking cold, so I ride faster, but I cannot see. I CANNOT SEE. Let's hope the car drivers can...
***********************

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 12: EVERY FUCKING TIME I COME HOME FROM AN MMT REHEARSAL I HAVE TO CHANGE MY UNDERWEAR. Sweet tittyfuckingchrist TODAY WE PRACTICED GETTING OURSELVES OFF and holding our croches. Nice Steffen. Nice. Most recently I have learned that the finale, the final act, our goal in the play, pippin's suicide, is a metaphorical orgasm for the group of players. Being 50% of the lead of players, this means SERIOUS BLUE TESTICLES for me if he doesn't. Wait and see.....
***********************
This week looks nice and busy. I love busy. You really are happy when you don't have the time to sit back and ask yourself if you're really happy... Today was INTENSE. Rehearsal was AWESOME. Now I'm almost done the book I'm reading (Niffenegger) and I had an incredible bath (it's been soooooo long, I miss you too, loofah) with white musk oil and a really, really nice sponge. :) Tomorrow (monday)i have Music History 2YY3 (surprisingly interesting, contrary to my preliminary assumptions...) Then gym (inner thighs, run, abs, calves), maybe another bath, some chemistry, a super fun fish dinner, and then hopefully another bath. Tuesday, on the other hand, is UGLY. Fuck you valentine's day. French midterm exam, biology exam prep, an 8:30 am class, and then more gym. BUT I will be going to what I've heard is THE SEXIEST place in Hamilton (other than my bedroom, of course). It's called Koi, and it is a Japanese-Bar-Restaurant-Club-type-thing. *prepares bowels* :D

As a fun-filled, mentally and physically exhausting day comes to an end, I nestle up in my perfectly-sized bed with 4 blankets and a douvet, a hot green tea and a beautiful book. My future is exciting, my past is decorated, and present comfortable. Dream sweetly.

So I was at Williams this morning getting my usual Green Tea with Amaretto (flavor, you lush) and they had a bowl of the most beautiful oranges I have EVER seen. And I've been to florida, bitch.
Perfectly spherical, supple yet firm, and a wonderful little navel. Holy shit. I don't even want to eat it.

..and I have found my webcam increasingly more banal as of late. So bare with me.







...it was the juciest little orange ever, and how sweet it is.

I filled up my mom's gas tank and remembered how much I love the smell of gasoline.
I had a GREAT gin and tonic with Jakub, then went to dinner at Boston Pizza and ate a terribly sinful caramel blondie.
I saw the most beautiful boy walk down my street today, with an eccentric amount of facial hair, green eyes and a bright yellow tie.
I heard an epitaph of Seiklos dating back to 500B.C., before musical notation, vocal instruction or formal instruments existed.
I felt the warmest, most comforting embrace this weekend, when jacqui came to live with me.
I sensed the nostalgia and elation in spending quality time with Jakub.
I hated and craved the adrenaline of apprehension among my fellow cast members. Lines. Cues. Transitions.
I almost broke under the anxiety of exams. I. Will. Not. Surrender.
I got lost in his eyes this week. Even when he blinked. Even when they were watching someone else.

This disgusts me:
http://www.cbc.ca/story/canada/national/2005/12/26/toronto-shooting-051226.html

I feel selfish
materialism. I am saturated by it. Guilty of it.

One day for Christmas I'd like someone to tell me everything they like about me. As honestly and eloquently as possible.
I'd then like them to tell me what I've been doing wrong all these years.
I'd like guitar lessons from my uncle in Vancouver.
I'd like to trek in Nepal.
I'd like to make someone smile. Uncontrollably.
I'd like love, in every sense of the world.

..but what a beautiful christmas day it was.
Songs. Jokes. Terms of endearment.
I floated through the day in elation.
Ate so much.

If I try hard, I can't even remember half the gifts given to me...
but I remember the carols, the laughter, the kind words.
...the love

It's 1am.
I have been trying to sleep for over an hour. My chemistry exam is in 11.5 hours.
Wrestless, stressed, emotionally traumatized, homesick, actually sick and a nervous wreck, I crawl out of bed.

..and start to write a poem

...For the first fucking time in...well, I can't remember. I rarely write.
It's a work in progress. I'll post it eventually.
I can't sleep.
I'm not sure whether it's pre-chemistry exam anxiety, or the fact that my housemate is hotboxing her room and I am saturated by the smell of MaryJ.
My mind is going 1000clicks/second.
Please shut off...
why won't you shut off...

Whoever invents a human-mind-remote will make a KILLING. I'd buy that shit.
...I'm actually starting to feel stoned. Who gets laced at 1am ALONE in their BEDROOM??
I feel like bitching her out.
I'm envious.
She'll go apeshit on the fridge, then sleep soundly.
And I'll be jittery for the next two hours, regardless of the fact that there is dope in my system.

I'm beyond the point of being unprepared for my exam.
I've never felt this unprepared.
This is the most time I've ever had to study for an exam, too.

"chemistry procrastination is like masturbation...in the end, you're really just fucking yourself"
-Humper

Night, folks. (fruitless attempt)

I woke up this morning to the sky set ablaze with vibrant orange and red hues.

It lasted for 20 seconds.

Sometimes that's all we get.
Nature at it's best.
Most miss it.

It was incredible, and my webcam can hardly do it justice. Don't worry, real pictures will come soon.
It truly was incredible.